Friday, March 13, 2015

My note to self

"The passing of time is both satisfying and sobering." 
 
 
Each passing day seems to slip by faster and faster like water through my fingers.  I'm convinced that Time has a split personality.  To the young Time is kind and generous leaving them feeling like they have a friend who will always be there.  They have time to play and time to dream.  To the older, however, Time is elusive, transitory, scarce.


How is it that an eighth grade algebra class, which lasts all of 50 minutes seems like an eternity, and yet 2015 continues to zoom by with lightning speed?  Here we are nearly 1/4 of the year completed. 

Soon the chill of spring will give way to gardening, seaside picnics, and all manner of summertime fun.  Before I know it, the carefree summer days will fade into fall's harvesting and canning activities and back to the regular routine of school....then the holiday season will upon us and once again we will be singing the refrain from Auld Lang Syne.   And just as fast as the seasons change so do my children.  

It really wasn't all that long ago that I was in throws of baby days.  I always wished the newborn stage would last a bit longer, but growth and milestones reached are good things.

In some ways it's nice to be in the next stage.  There are no diapers, no strollers, no high chairs, or potty chairs.  And we relish the joys of a full night's sleep again san an occasional little visitor, clutching her kitty and claiming a bothersome bad dream. 

 
I watch my young children play together, chase and tag and fall down in fits of laughter.  It brings me such joy and I can't help but catch myself smiling.  That's the part of Time that is satisfying. 

Because we are a large family and we have older and younger children in our home, I am privy to see - they grow up!  Somehow when I wasn't looking someone turned my first born into a twenty-something married woman, my next two into college men, and the next one on the cusp of adulthood as well.  That's the part that is sobering!  My time with them is limited. 

Milestones aren't just for babies.  There is great joy in seeing the successes of these older ones as they travel the path they believe the Lord is leading them on.  I want them to dive in, get messy, live fully in what they endeavor.  I love being a part of their lives - hearing all about their hopes, their dreams, sharing in their joys, their sorrows.  But Time has a way of changing things, and what I am coming to realize is that I don't want to let go.   Honestly, love hurts.  No, it's not the loving that hurts, it's the letting go.  It's uncertain and scary.
My position in their lives in beginning to shift, and it leaves me with lots of mixed-up feelings.

Talk happens a little more often about the time for moving out and moving on.  Much like a plant needs to move from the greenhouse and be transplanted into the dirt to strengthen, grow and blossom, I know my children need the same in order to grow into who God intends them to be at full maturity.  I wouldn't have that any other way.  Maybe it's proximity {or rather the lack thereof} that I fear most. 
So I guess Time and Distance are in cahoots with each other.  Ha. 

I guess this post is my little "Note to Self" to make the most of each day.  Connect with each one, each day. 
  • Be present
  • make eye contact
  • engage fully
  • listen intently
  • be intentional
because Time is fleeting.


So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12


3 comments:

  1. In the midst of the crazy, I tell myself to slow down and connect. It's easier said than done most of the time. Your words echo my thoughts; I share the bitter-sweet conflict of wanting to hold on tight and desiring to let them grow into maturity and independence. I remind myself that my children are not here for me but were created for their Maker. I am learning to actively entrust them in His care. Thanks for sharing.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Katherine, for that gentle reminder. I need to remember to remind myself of this often.

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    2. It's interesting how the Lord works through us and despite us! I wasn't trying to remind you; maybe just remind myself! Also, I didn't realize your eldest was already married! You are such a young mom for that!

      Have a lovely weekend!

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